There seems to be much fuss over this article that came out in the paper yesterday. It is cleverly titled “Divorcing History” by Angela Alvarez, a senior at Woodrose, an Opus Dei-run school in the Philippines.
Epiphany About The Gays

For example, I wasn’t aware of how the legalization of gay marriage in the United States affects not only the people of the Philippines, but the common good of the entire world!

Like, she points out that the main reason for their desire to get married is so-called “love”. Yet it clearly makes no sense because it’s unnatural—and by that argument, we could marry anything we love, even one’s dog! I’d never thought of it that way. If I were only half as intelligent as she is when I was her age, I would never have gone to San Francisco to study art because it is totally gay central. It really affected my way of seeing the world. They might as well have made bestiality legal! I feel like such a hypocrite because I contributed to animal rights groups and supported marriage equality at the same time. Idiot!

Dunce
And while we’re on the subject of marriage, boy, did I have it all wrong. The 16-year-old defined it as the “unity of two people (one male and one female) through the church”. I never got married in church! Not even the second time around! Does that mean this ring on my finger is a farce? My relationship is a sham!

Farce Wedding

Reproduction
What further worries me is that she points out that since it’s impossible for gays to reproduce, they resort to adoption, which will most likely cause them to become gay too. Two of my best girl friends are married (TO EACH OTHER) and want to have a child with the help of a sperm donor. So my question is, does that mean the gay gene will be passed on automatically? Or is there no such thing as a gay gene because they chose to be lesbians? Ugh…I’m so confused 🙁
Gay Chart Confusion Speaking of diseases, did you know that the U.S. Supreme Court ruling may increase the spread of certain epidemics? Angela learned that gays and lesbians (note to self: gays=boys, lesbians=girls) have a higher risk of contracting HPV, which causes most cases of cervical cancer in women and anal cancer in men. Now this makes perfect sense since women never get it up the ass—that doesn’t produce babies, duh!
Gay Diseases
Other diseases that will now spread from gays marrying are hepatitis A, B and C, gonorrhea, syphilis, enteritis, and HIV/AIDS. I also did not know that there was such a thing as “gay bowel syndrome”. As defined by Angela, it’s a “set of sexually transmitted gastrointestinal problems”.

I get diarrhea ALL THE TIME. It got me thinking…is it possible that I caught this disease because more than 50% of my friends are gay? Should I call them and warn them??? So I consulted my doctor friend, and this is what she said:

Gay Bowel Syndrome
I don’t know WHAT to believe anymore.

So instead of criticizing Angela’s article, I think we should all commend Woodrose for not using their Opus Dei religious views as a guise and for finally giving their students a tangible way of grasping the concept of The Gays which the church has yet to provide….and that is Science.

I have attached the article below, because knowledge is power. And please, stop with the hateful comments. As Angela beautifully concluded: “Even without this ruling, we have accepted homosexuals for who they are. It has been like this for the past decades. So what changed in our society that made us divorce from our history?”

Bull